It's a bit of a shock to wake up with ogre testicles down your throat! Yes, disease fans, my throat has now swollen to new exciting levels and I look a little bit like a bullfrog. Ooh la la. And out of sense of duty/loyalty/running out of sick pay, I dragged my sorry ass into work which was boatloads of fun. God are those the decorations for my pity party going up ;) I swear thezapping will be back to normal soon – indeed I shall attempt a semi normal post today. Even though I don't exist. After being called a "common law wife" yesterday, Darren's forms arrived today and they were for a single person! Bugger me! (he does) Did civil partnership not happen in this country?? Although I did have to chuckle at the email I got after yesterday's post which said "you forgot to mention that common law wives also let their fellas titwank them!" Thanks GD504 for that amazing snippet. See! I have gone from fully legal partner to vulgar sexual act at the flick of a bureaucrats button! Mom, Dad – a ti~twank is an oriental expression for some gentle nuzzling that often ends up with the gift of a necklace at the end. Pearl, I believe…
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THE 7 ALBUMS I WANT IN 2007:
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THE 7 ALBUMS I WANT IN 2007:
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7 ~ Britney Spears: ExpulsionNo, that's not the name of her new album, more likely what's left on the cab seat after another knickerless ride around the city. See, it all seemed so good – the Fed became Ex, the Clearasil came back out and her breasts were firm and pointy . Then destroyer of pop, satan spawn Paris Hilton got her hooks in and it was all booze booze booze and suction on seats. Not classy. I want a super pop album from Britney with a killer lead off single – more Stronger, more Toxic and definitely more Overprotected. All those tunes have killer choruses, great production values and pure pop running through their veins. No dodgy Bobby Brown covers please and no "guest" rappers. Let the emancipation of Bri Bri begin…
6 ~ Whitney: Houston, We Have No Problem
From one bad choice marriage to another – though Whitney obviously did more than just cover Bobby. Now I adored Whitney – indeed for a while she was my most very favourite singer in the world. But then 1988 happened and Debbie and Kylie spilled out. But I still loved Whit through most the nineties. And it's not that I went off her, it's just other singers moved ahead of her on my list (though she still ranks top ten). Just Whitney was an ok album with some great tracks – but I would like something like her aces I'm Your Baby Tonight album. A mixture of cracking upbeat tunes and heartbreaking ballads (like Miracle - swoon!). Family First is a great start…
5 ~ Kylie: Comeback
How is this album not going to be the most amazingly huge thing ever? Kylie has risen to goddess status since her triumph over cancer and long may she reign supreme. White Diamond sounds like a good start and maybe she could drag I Know from the vaults. I would like to see her work with Cathy Dennis again but maybe some other artists too. And how about a stunning reinterpretation of a popular classic that no one would expect? Oh please, whatever she comes up with I am preprogrammed to adore…
4 ~ Shayne Ward: Chav No More
It was all a bit pedestrian, that Shayne Ward debut album. So this needs to be something infinitely better… because Shayne could definitely be the male dance-pop saviour of Britain. Someone team him up with Bodies Without Organs and Darin, don't lead the album off with a first single ballad and get him out of that bloody suit he is always wearing in his videos. And lets move the Shrek-a-like family way way into the background (note – all these things also apply to a new Gareth Gates album)
3 ~ Any boyband: Debut album
This could be Eton Road. Or Pacific Avenue. Or even Avenue. Basically anyone street title related (though obviously not Upper Street, hoho). I just want a successful boyband to launch this year with a debut album that is the perfect mix of sunny pop tunes, down and dirty club grinders and heartbreaking ballads. And maybe a cheeky cover version too. And if one of them does look weird, keep them to the background. Because you really aren't allowed to express individuality until the third album ;) Tip ~ employ myself or PPG as an advisor and your career won't go far wrong…
2 ~ Deborah Gibson: 20
It's 20 years since little Debbie Gibson debuted on the Billboard charts so she really should have an album out to celebrate. Consider the fact that her last album proper was out in March 2001 and you'll realise that I am certainly due a little new music from my fave female singer…. Recent leaks Sounds Like Love and Famous were almost diametrically opposed – the former being a modern sounding love song, clean fresh and romantic while the latter was a bit meh, a bit Black Cat and a bit been there done that. Deb works best with sizzling pop songs and given a bit of a Jadion remix Famous could be an amazing track that if joined by Rich Girl would be a rather good start to a new album…
1 ~ Maroon 5: Impatient
Sweet songs about Jane is this blooming cd ever going to see the light of day? Apparently so and certainly during the first quarter of this fine new year. Finally. Promising to be a little darker and a little funkier, these boys can do no wrong in my eyes and I look forward to a heady mix of Adam's soulful voice, hooks that won't let go, some great guitar playing all mixed and kneaded together to produce some great radio ready pop tunes. Should be magnificent!
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THE 3 SONGS I LIKE RIGHT NOW:
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~ Jem: Once In Every Lifetime Aw, Eragon the movie was great. It had a dragon. And that chap above. I haven't actually checked the box office yet, but I'm hoping it did well enough for it's 2 eventual sequels to be made… Anyway, while Avril Lavigne's "Keep Holding On" song got all the attention and chart action from this film, it was Jem's effort that caught my attention more. Quite languid and serene, this talented little vixen performs quite the lovely turn as a balladeer and makes me eager for her sophomore album…
~ Infernal: Hey, Hello
Yes, our fave danes (we think) (after Ella) have remade Holding Out For A Hero by cleverly disguising it as another tune, with completely different lyrics and different words in the chorus. Those crafty Europeans ;) They may end up one hit wonders in this country, but keep pumping out tunes like this and I'll keep being interested…
~ Sarah McLachlan: Little Miracle
Back to the movies and the potentially tear jerking (not seen it yet) Charlotte's Web tune has given us this little gem from Sarah. Who always does quite well at the moview. She sang in Toy Story 2 and now this, as well as perfectly soundtracking the final moments of season 2 on Buffy. This song should melt the hardest of hearts and if it doesn't, well I will want to know why!
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THE 1 ALBUM YOU WILL ALL OWN THIS YEAR:
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It's weird. In the first few days of January 2004, I got Songs About Jane by Maroon 5 and I knew after one listen that it would be my album of the year. Ditto Bodies Without Organs in 2005. This time last year a friend sent me a zip of 6 The Feeling songs and again I was a smitten little kitten. So hearing Mika's Life in Cartoon Motion just before Christmas was an utterly butterly joy because once again pop salvation had been found and the year hadn't even begun. This incredibly eclectic yet accomplished debut album already contains the stunning Relax, the simple but effective Billy Brown and the channelling of Freddy Mercury in current single Grace Kelly. Yet every single other sing is an absolute winner. Mr Mika knows how to charm the pants off you and songs like Lollipop and Stuck In The Middle merely seal the deal. You can't help but adore this glittering gem of a pop album. Even songs not on there like his cover of Everybody's Talking are too darn hot to be left off….
MINI QUICK BITZ/BLOG WATCH:
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~ Arjan of course has a brillo scoop with Dan Gillespie-(sex)Sells who reveals his love of Squeeze. Put me down for a cover of Tempted...
~ Arjan of course has a brillo scoop with Dan Gillespie-(sex)Sells who reveals his love of Squeeze. Put me down for a cover of Tempted...
~ What the fuss was celeb big bro about last night? Was Davina going for ironic chav chic with her hair scraped back to within an inch of her life? Gayer H (who knew?!) looks likely to bed Leo Gayer and be best friends with Dirk Tourettes...
~ Excuse us while we french Will from eyepod for putting up a rather marvelous Simon Curtis post. The conversions continue :)
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And that's all for today. I'm sooooooooooo tired - i swear i nearly collapsed while getting some carrot sticks at lunchtime and all i could think was "i'm going to pass out outside poundland" and the thought got me back to my desk... see you tomorrow hopefully dudes. And i promise - Monday! Back to normal!
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Speaking of quality, you're so right about the Mika album; it is a bit on the short side, but anytime I might think about complaining, a song like "My Interpretation" comes on and I'm just too caught up to care. And thanks for the cover--do you know where it's from?