Ugh being ill in any holiday season is just wrong and ridiculous. My nurse friend ruthiepoos has given me so invaluable tips so I am going to drug myself up and hope for the best. I really want to go out tonight (I have a killer new outfit - uber stylish!) and don't want to let darren down either. My throat is practically closed off though and i'm either freezing cold or sweaty and clammy (yum!) and my legs feel like lead. Boo! What's particularly crappy about it is when i had non hodgkins lymphoma several years back, i would go for chemo, come home, throw up for a few days and then have a horribly sore throat. So it kinda brings back unpleasant memories :( But enough of the maudlin - on with the remnants of posts that i wanted to post in the last couple of months but never got round to! (PS- i think i'm delirious from all the pills I'm popping! I wept like a baby when they got it together at the end of movie Failure to Launch!)
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THEZAPPING DIRECTORY:
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11 to watch in 2007
Simon Curtis Special (Part one)
Simon Curtis Special (Part two)
Top 26 tunes of 2006 (26 thru 11)
Top 26 tunes of 2006 (10 thru 1)
Top 20 Albums of 2006 (20 thru 11)
Top 20 Albums of 2006 (10 thru 1)
Thezapping competition
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THE SINGLES THAT SHOULD BE, BUT PROBABLY WON'T:
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Once signed and given a snifter of success, the very best brains and huge amounts of cash are put behind marketing the band and choosing the strongest songs to promote the music to the public . Thezapping is constantly amazed then, that some of the choices are mindbogglingly crap. Here are some suggestions to keep recent albums buoyant in 2007…
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~ The Killers: Bling – the most overblown song on a glorious and increasingly brilliant overblown album. Brandon Flowers is channelling Bono and doing it very well (and I'm not even that fond of U2)! When this track is performed live at the summer festivals, you just know that buildings will be trembling in awe…
~ Elton John: Never Fade Away – The voice seems deeper and less malleable than usual, but with a melodramatic such as this, Elton John remains a master craftsman who transcends trends and is eternally timeless…
~ Lily Allen: Knock Em Out – Love her or hate her, that is the question. Or is that Lady Sovereign? Any"hoo", the favourite loud mouth of 2006 not only paired trainers and dresses, but churned out sing a long anthems such as this that reprimanded male sex pests by way of a two tone rhythm and Betty Boo pianos. And soundtracked a brilliant scene in Entourage…
~ Scissor Sisters: Just Might Tell You Tonight – The other jakeypoos shows he is not all go-go dancing and promiscuity as he sings a tender love song about growing old together. Having and being with your soul mate has never sounded so serene and gorgeous…
~ Snow Patrol: You Could Be Happy – so far, La Patrol have shown they can rock, soundtrack tragic tv moments and do indie chantreuse duets with the first three singles from Eyes Open. Next should be this tale of love and regret set to the lovely tinkling of a music box…
~ Jamelia: Do Me Right – I still stand by Window Shopping as the third single, but to ignore this pop gem with spine tingling bhangra beats, sitars and raga tinged MC-ing would be criminal (and probably a reflection on a chart that refused to be beware of a Depeche Mode sampling dog. BOO!)
~ Keane: The Frog Prince – Sigh. It was Christmas. The season of giving, so I decided to plough through turgid Under The Iron Sea one more time. Bad Dreams is quite nice, but this song with it's forlorn refrain – "you've wandered so far from the person you are" – is a hidden highlight I had missed out on. And XO agrees ;) Sounds autobiographical, but actually is about Johnny Borrell. Allegedly…
~ Robbie Williams: Summertime – the raves from Nick and Adem convinced me to stick with my fave male artists's latest opus a little while longer. Everytime I listen to it a different song stands out. Currently it is Summertime – an inspired ode to Ibiza-esque raving produced by William Orbit…
(with assistance from the 100 tracks you should've downloaded feature in Q magazine!)
THE PERFECT PORTABLE:
Upgrading my archos from a 420 model to a 504 in the pre-Christmas sales was a brilliant inspired move. The new model s a veritable video powerhouse – it's screen is bigger than the old one and poos all over the iPod's tiny effort. The 80 gb of memory holds all the illegally downloaded shows you could ever wish to watch (Ugly Betty, Heroes, The Oc, Desperate Housewives, et al) and plenty of thezapping's very favourite pop artisits. Perfectly marvellous, I tells ya – and the double battery life is pretty decent too…
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LINK: Purchase the Archos 504
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THE SWEET SMELL OF ME:
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The most important thing about choosing a fragrance that will make you smell sweet ass sexy isn't the aroma. Although clearly that is quite important, obviously. No, it's all about how hot the guy advertising the fragrance is. Which is why I have switched from once hot now not CK to these two lovelies. First up is the warmth and sensuality of David's Intimately Beckham. Apparently it fuses bergamot and grapefruit with just a splash of nutmeg. It's actually quite comforting and finally is a celebrity fragrance worth spraying on your man-fou…
. Now the man with one glove does look like someone elses head on my body ;) Black XS from Paco Rabanne (meaning excess not extra small as I erroneously thought!) is a blend of cinnamon and sage and has quite the seductive whiff to it. Whenever I wear it, DazProzzy can hardly wait to get into my pantaloons! The packaging is equally fine as the smell and now has pride of place on the bathroom cabinet. Marv, etc…
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LINK: Purchase Intimately Beckham
LINK: Purchase PR Black XS
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THE NEW HOLLYBLOKE:
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I used to love Hollyoaks. It was the Sunset Beach of Britain. Adultery, theft, gay rape, murder, prostitution, etc and all on at 6pm in the evening. Then, I kind of didn't have time for it anymore so during the laziness of Christmas, I thought I would tune in to see if it was still as crazy as ever. It was – Christmas tree sabotage campaigns, a young mom plotting to bump off her hubby for the insurance money and some underage lad who shagged his teacher tied up on a boat to stop him testifying at her trial. Brilliant! And then there is Benjamin Hart who plays Foz, an art teacher. Not only is he a gayer in real life, but he was a copper in the Spice Girls "Wannabe" video and the lover in Dannii's "You Won't Forget About Me" promo (who he is now best friends with!) And as well as steaming up the screen on Hollyoaks, he has been cast in new gay rom-com Mr Right due out next year. Those are some credentials that thezapping approves of…
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LINK: Hollyoaks website
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THE NEW TO THEZAPPING TRIAL FEATURE:
.Usually people who do folk-y music aren't blessed with stunning good looks. Take the Indigo Girls. I mean, God, I love them and their socio-political ditties, but they didn't half fall from the top branch of the 'less attractive' tree. So colour me shocked when I – in one of my must-own-everything-at-christmas moods – purchased Sufjan Stevens 'Song's For Christmas' opus (my first SS purchase) and discovered that not only does he put out stunningly original collections of songs, but he is an alterna-hottie singer too! Who knew – well apparently, a quick google search reveals that quite a lot of rabid adoring fans are already out there. And he has quite the back catalogue – Seven Swans is his unique take on Christianity, while Michigan and Illinois are part of a massive effort to write about every state in America, embracing an abstract view of the world (can't wait to hear his take on Utah!) Which is probably why he likes the gays, as we often have a unique outsider skewed perspective on life too! Good for us, etc….
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LINK: Sufjan's myspace site
LINK: Purchase Sufjan's Christmas CD set

THE REVIVAL DAZPANTS IS FIZZING AT THE SLIT FOR:
. Little DazPulsator and I both love musicals, but often have different tastes in which ones we like. So when we agree we need to snap up those front row tickets tout de suite, as le francais say. So when a brief revival of Little Shop of Horrors was announced, DazPictionary nearly love- wee'd all over the leather sofa. And it's on at the incredibly pretty and gorgeous little menier chocolate factory theatre – which, believe it or not, used to be a chocolate factory. No really! Marvelous :) After an incredibly successful run of Sunday In The Park with George, this promises to be the most full on and fun show about a man eating pot plant that the theatre has staged! I'm just counting on Darren squeezing my knee with excitement during Downtown. Oh, and the theatrical ending rather than the movie finish, please sirs!
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LINK: Menier Factory website
LINK: Purchase LSOH Original Cast Recording CD
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THE COUPLET OF SONGS:
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There are some songs that just deserve to be played back to back. Not because they sound identical, but rather because their lyrics and musical style perfectly compliment each other and, oh heck, if songs could get married then definitely, these songs would be heading down the aisle for civil partnerships and marriages galore! Here are just a few groups of songs that I think utterly belong together…

Deborah Gibson – Raise The Roof / Bette Midler – Mambo Italiano
~ Deborah goes a bit dancey and channels the Sex and The City theme with this plinking uptempo little ditty celebrating the need to party. Which leads rather perfectly into Bette's cover of the Rosemary Clooney classic, all flamenco, groovy beats and a whole big dollop of campness mixed in for your enjoyment…

Scissor Sisters – Land Of A Thousand Words / BWO – Will My Arms Be Strong Enough?
~ Nick summed it up perfectly when he said that LOATW was the spiritual successor to Mary – both are languid, laid back love songs with a strong hint of doubt mixed in. BWO continue that theme with the ultimately uplifting ballad about love, hope and redemption…

Jesse McCartney – Beautiful Soul / Deborah Gibson – Naked
~ both tunes have a great acoustic earthy vibe to them, and are about embracing the person within and being yourself. Both are very sing a long and have big crescendo's leading to glorious choruses that will have you singing along for many a week…

Scissor Sisters – Laura / Take That – Shine / Mika – Stuck In The Middle
~ three tunes that all have a very distinctive opening piano melody that – while in the case of the latter two, isn't exactly the same as the Scissters intro – has a certain familiar ring to it. All three tunes are great amazing pop songs. PS. Mika review coming in the new year…
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THEZAPPING STARTS HIS NOVEL:
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Sadly the picture above isn't an all new foxy boyband for your viewing and listening pleasure. Nor are they close friends of mine who posed for a quick photo to promote my book. No they were some models photoshoot in Mate magazine, but it kind of goes with the theme of my novel. Obviously I can't give too much away here, but lets just say that a boyband is very much the central character and there is a Desperate Housewives style mystery running throughout it leading up to a shocking ending. The process of writing it is quite interesting – I know what the mystery is, I know the beginning and the end and what I basically want to happen along the way. It's stringing it all together that is the challenge! It's my major project in 2007 to get it finished and when I do, you guys of course will have a sneak peak!!
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THE RUBBISH GUILTY PLEASURE:
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Dante's Cove is rubbish. Brilliantly so - in the way that only Sunset Beach and Passions have previously embraced. There is a healthy mix of young relationships, bitch slapping step fathers, and of course the old ancient curse that haunts Dante's Cove. The writing is awful, the acting worse and everytime they get near anything remotely resembling a plot, the writers seem unsure of themselves so just write in lots of sex scenes. It could be a great show and it has an interesting premise. However, for now, I'm just addicted to it's cheesy rubbishness!!
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LINK: Dante's Cove myspace site
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THE GREATEST HITS DONE RIGHT BLOWOUT SPECIAL!
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LINK: Whitney Houston (including mp3 of new single!)
LINK: Madonna
LINK: Robbie Williams
LINK: Sophie Ellis Bextor (including mp3 of new single)
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THE NEW YEARS GREETINGS!
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Happy new year everyone - thanks for sticking with thezapping and entertaining me with your comments and opinions throughout 2006. Much happiness and prosperity to you all in 2007 :)
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MP3: Abba - Happy New Year
MP3: Sugababes - New Year
MP3: Barenaked Ladies - Auld Lang Syne
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Coming Monday – the first of thezapping record company project acts gets it's first single release; a look at what other singles are out this week;
Coming Tuesday - a review of two albums including Mika; a look at some of the top acts tipped by the media to keep an eye on in 2007